


When You Are Near

by jynx



Series: Let Them Eat Cake [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Date Rape, Durin Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Girl!Kili - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 10:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili misses their anniversary so Kili goes out for a night on the town. Only, it doesn't end the way she had hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Are Near

**Author's Note:**

> I think there's one more story left in this series. :) But this one...I dunno. I like this little part. Yeah, there's a lot of freaking angst in this chapter, but it also fixes a lot of things. I'm content with this, and so is Kili (which is the whole point). And I promise to work on Glass Arrows before the next girl!Kili bit. Promise. You know I always keep my promises.
> 
> Title taken from the Caroline Liar song by the same title.

Kili stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom, turning this way and that. She was wearing a new dress, something gorgeous and special because today was their fifth year anniversary. The dress was short and strapless, a dark blue silk with black lace over it that hugged all her curves and made her chest look bigger. She had given up on her hair and paid someone else to style it in loose curls that were held together by a blue ribbon that matched her dress. She had pulled on the Lycra boots from before, expecting Fili to want to cancel their dinner reservations and drag her upstairs to worship her.

Only Fili hadn't come home. He'd sent a text earlier in the day saying he wouldn't be home until late because of dinner with a client so Kili had called and cancelled their reservations. She had expected he'd be home by now, it was 8:30, but he wasn't. She had gone upstairs and pulled on her new dress and her boots and tried to figure out what had happened. Fili wasn't one to forget dates.

She grabbed a clutch that matched the dress (the sales lady had insisted) and shoved her phone, ID, keys, and credit card in it before leaving. She took the subway to a bar she remembered Fili taking her to near Erebor International, wanting at least some connection to her brother on a day that was supposed to be special. She entered the bar, taking a look at the restaurant portion and felt her heart stop cold in her chest.

Fili was sitting at one of the tables with a leggy blonde in a short skirt and low v-neck shirt that showed off her ridiculously large breasts, a suit jacket tossed over the back of her chair. They were sitting impossibly close and Fili was smiling at her. The blonde reached out, taking Fili's hand in hers and leaned into him. Kili swallowed and turned away, heading into the bar section and hopping up on a stool at the bar.

"Two shots of Jack," Kili said, handing over her ID and credit card. "Open a tab."

"Here to see your brother?" the bartender asked as he poured her shots and handed them to her.

"Didn't know he was here," Kili said as she threw back both shots in rapid succession. "Do me a favor and keep them coming?"

The bartender nodded and poured her another two shots and left her be. Kili tossed back both of them, trying not to turn and look at Fili. Her mind whirled, thinking back over the last two weeks. Fili had cancelled on her or been late pretty often, always the same excuse -- he had to deal with a client. Some client. No client ever looked like that. They were always old men who talked too loudly and drank too much and smoked cigars that made Kili wrinkle her nose when Fili finally got home. It's time, however, Kili barely saw Fili. He was never home before she went to bed and he was always up before her in the mornings. She saw him on Saturday and Sunday but only because he said he felt bad for ignoring her while he worked on whatever it was he had going on at work.

What a lie.

He'd finally realized how much better he could do than his little sister. Five years. She had five years of Fili loving her. She knew somehow, in the back of her mind, that it would never last. Fili was perfect, after all, who wouldn't want him? Fili had always told her that there was no one else for him, that she was it, but that was obviously such a lie. He'd found someone else. Someone with better legs, better hair, better tits. Kili turned, hating that she had the perfect angle to see everything that was happening. Fuck but she was pretty. And so completely feminine. Kili played at it, really, tried it on like she would clothes at the store. This wasn't her and as much as she was trying to adapt it into something she was comfortable with, it was maybe a little too little too late. 

She turned away, throwing back another shot and rubbed her nose. Goddammit, no. She wasn't about to start crying. She was better than that. She was stronger than that. If Fili wanted to date someone else, she would let him. She'd wish him luck and want him to be happy. 

Fuck.

She swallowed, her throat tight, and waved the bartender down, asking for top shelf tequila instead. If she was going to get drunk, she was going to do it in a spectacular fashion.

"The lady's shot is on me," a man said from next to her.

Kili turned, blinking at him. He was tall with blond hair a couple shades darker than Fili's and green eyes. He was wearing a black polo that showed off his chest and arms and a pair of khakis. He wasn't bad looking, but she had no idea what he was doing buying her a drink. The bartender handed Kili her shot.

"I'm Kyle," he said, offering her his hand.

"Kili," she said, shaking it and throwing back the shot. 

"This might seem rude, but, do bra sizes come in perfect? Because I'd buy that for you. Seriously, what's your cup size?" Kyle asked.

Kili choked on the liquor in her mouth, laughing as she brought her hand up to wipe it off her lips. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, I couldn't decide between that or your legs. Because, see, I have an STD, a sexually transmitted desire, for great legs. What time do yours open?"

Kili stared at him, mouth open, before she closed it, and waved the bartender down. "If you keep using really bad lines then I'm going to need more shots."

"I'm down with that," Kyle said. "The next one's on me as well."

The bartender shook his head and poured her another shot. "You might wanna slow down a little, Kili."

"Trust me, I can handle my liquor," she said, saluting the bartender. She noticed, out of the corner of her eye, that the blonde had gotten up and was walking toward the bathroom. Bitch had better legs than her too. She was also closer to Fili's height. That...fuck, that sucked. She threw the shot back, rubbing at her aching eyes.

"Why's such a pretty girl drinking here alone? It's a travesty," Kyle said. He drained his shot, licking his lips and watching her.

Kili shook her head, "No reason."

"All dressed up...someone stand you up?" Kyle asked.

Kili signaled for another shot. The bartender hesitated and poured it for her. Kyle took it from her, earning him a glare, before he gave it back. Kili took it and threw it back.

"Look, why don't you come back to mine with me," Kyle said. "If its forgetting whatever dick stood you up, I've got plenty of alcohol."

"I don't want to forget him," Kili said, starting to feel her head swim. "I want to go home."

Kyle stood, wrapping an arm around her waist and helping her to her feet. "How about I help you get home, let you lie down for a little."

Kili stood and grabbed the edge of the bar as her vision tilted. She waved at the bartender. "I need to close my tab," she said.

"Want me to call you a cab?" The other asked as he handed her her credit card and the slip to sign. Kili signed, her signature loopy and going off the line completely. He was looking pointedly at the man holding Kili up.

"I've got her," Kyle said. "C'mon, Kili. Let's get you somewhere you can lie down."

Kili leaned against him, not really liking how Kyle's hand had slid down her hip to grab her ass, but she let him lead her outside the bar.

:::

"Excuse me, Mr Durin?" A waiter said, interrupting Fili's conversation. "I'm sorry to interrupt but Kili was at the bar earlier and one of the bartenders was worried about her."

"Is she all right?" Fili asked, immediately turning to look at the man. "Where is she?"

"There was a man buying her drinks and she left with him," the waiter said. "She didn't look like she could stand on her own."

"Crap," Fili said. His mind was whirling. Kili wasn't exactly a drinker. She could drink, if she wanted, but she also knew how to pace herself. She had learned from Dwalin, after all, and that man could drink rotgut without so much as a burp. He turned back to his dinner companion. "Mindy, I'm sorry, I have to go take care of my sister. Can we pick this up on Monday?"

Mindy smiled, patting her mouth with the napkin. "I think everything's been settled. I'll have my office send over the papers as soon as possible."

Fili nodded and turned to the waiter. "Could you add this to EI's tab? And also, which way did Kili go?"

The waiter nodded and pointed in the directions of the door and Fili left, grabbing his jacket as he went. He had a bad feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong with Kili and he needed to be there to keep her safe. He caught up with them, watching as the guy hailed a cab with his hand on his sister's ass. Kili was leaning into the other guy, her head on his shoulder. She had a tiny little clutch in her hand, one that matched her dress, and those boots. Those insanely sexy boots of Kili's that should have stayed in the closet for just the two of them.

"Kili!" Fili called, reaching out to snag her elbow as the guy tried to put her in the cab. Kili turned, looking at him blankly. "Kili?"

"You the jackass who stood her up?" The guy asked, trying to puff up his chest and look intimidating.

"Go to hell, you stupid Neanderthal," Fili said. He tugged at Kili, pulling her closer to him and away from the tall blond. "Kee, sweetie, look at me. It's Fili. Can you look at me, sweetheart?"

Kili's lips parted but no sound came out. Fili's heart ached. No, this wasn't right. None of this was right.

"She doesn't want to go with you," the guy said, grabbing Kili around the waist and started to get into the cab with her. 

Fili didn't even realize he was about to punch the guy until he had, laying him out on the ground and his fist was aching. Kili had fallen to the ground and was looking at her scraped hands with a sort of fascinated look that spoke to the protective part of Fili. There was something seriously wrong with his little sister.

“What did you give her?” Fili demanded, grabbing the man by his shirt collar. 

“What the hell are you on about, man? She’s just drunk!” the guy protested.

“I know my sister,” Fili growled. “I know her drunk. This is not drunk.”

“I didn’t give her anything!” the man protested.

Fili punched him again, letting him fall to the ground and leaning over him to go through his pockets and find his wallet. He checked to make sure he had the man’s license and kicked him in the side for good measure. He turned and grabbed Kili, carefully scooping her into his arms, grabbing the little clutch, and getting them both into the still waiting cab.

“Hospital?” the cabbie asked.

Fili smiled weakly and nodded, murmuring a thanks as he checked Kili over. She was resting limply against his chest. He checked the little clutch, seeing her phone and cards and keys, and tucked it into his suit jacket so he wouldn’t lose it. He took Kili’s hands, trying to assess the damage. They were badly scraped, bits of gravel and dirt mixing with the blood pooling in the cuts. He kissed Kili’s forehead, murmuring soft words of love and reassurance. Kili just breathed against his chest, eyes closed, barely responding to him.

When the cab pulled up in front of the emergency room, Fili dug out his wallet, careful to keep Kili steady on his lap, and handed the guy a fifty. He didn’t care if it was too much and he didn’t wait for changed as he got out, carefully keeping Kili in his arms and kicking the door of the taxi shut behind him.

“Checking in?” a nurse at the front desk asked.

“Yeah,” Fili said. “My sister’s been given something. She’s not, I don’t.”

He was losing it, fear for Kili overriding his ability to talk. He hated seeing her like this, barely conscious, not responding as the nurses led them over to a chair and started trying to rouse her. One nurse was talking to Fili, getting as many details out of him as he could. Where were they? Did he know much much she had had to drink? What was her name and details? Had there been any sexual assault? Endless questions before they rushed her into the actual ER and gave her a bed. Fili pulled a chair as close to the bed as he could and held her hand as another nurse set up an IV and a lab tech came in to take vials and vials of blood.

Fili sat there, holding her hand, and waiting as the doctors and nurses moved around them. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was his fault. He should have told Mindy they’d meet later, or asked Kili to join them, or any number of things. The buyout wasn’t so important that this was the result. He knew he was going to catch hell from Kili for missing their anniversary but he’d already set up an apology. He was taking two weeks off and taking her to Greece. They were going to stay at a resort with a gorgeous view and a pool and he was going to be able to make up this whole awful year to her.

That was his apology. He still had his gift tucked away for her. Ever since they’d been together he’d given her the traditional gifts that one would for wedding anniversaries. The fifth year was wood. A lot of the gifts he saw were advertizing love and devotion, but they couldn’t show that. Instead, he’d found someone who carved roses out of bloodwood and bought two dozen of them. They were waiting back at the office in a traditional flower box with a gorgeous glass blown vase. It was something they could put around the house and they would know, the two of them, what it was for. That they were together for five years and hopefully five more years would follow, if not forever.

He had never wanted to see Kili like this. What had happened?

He was startled out of his thoughts as medical personnel descended on Kili’s room, pushing him outside as they attended to his sister. He stood there, eyes wide as he waited outside the room.

“Mr Durin?” a doctor asked, trying to get Fili’s attention.

He looked at the doctor, trying not to look inside her room. “Yes?”

“I’m Doctor Jones,” the man said. “I just wanted to let you know what’s going on.”

“That’d be great,” Fili said, glancing down at his hands. “Is she okay?”

“She was given rohypnol,” Doctor Jones said, “and she had a blood alcohol content of point twenty seven. The two together is leading us to need to pump her stomach. She’s still unconscious right now and we’ll give her some activated charcoal. She’s probably going to be out for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. You can leave and come back if you want. We’ll be moving her to a room as soon as we’re done pumping her stomach.”

Fili shook his head. “I’m staying.”

“She’s not going to wake up for a while,” the doctor cautioned.

“She’s my little sister,” Fili said. “I’m not leaving her alone, awake or not.”

:::

Kili woke up in the hospital, mouth feeling like cotton and her stomach and throat hurting. She turned her head to the side, seeing Fili sitting in the chair next to her. Fili looked up at her movement and stood up.

“Kee?” he asked, reaching out to cup her face in his hands. “God, you woke up.”

“What happened?” Kili asked. 

“You don’t remember?” Fili asked, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.

Kili leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. “‘m all groggy.”

Fili kissed her forehead. “You should sleep some more.”

She dozed, remembering in snatches what had happened. Fili cancelling their date, the bar, the drinks, Kyle... She woke up. She felt her stomach plunge to her knees and she scrambled out of bed to the bathroom, slamming the door and grabbing the toilet before retching. The other man’s hands on her, the leer, the way he was forcing her into the cab. She couldn’t remember everything, it was murky, but she remembered enough. She could hear Fili panicking on the other side of the door and she reached out, locking it.

Fili didn’t want her, why would he? Even a stranger didn’t want her, choosing to drug her instead of sleep with her. No one wanted her. How could they? Her uncle and mother were right, she was worthless. Nothing she did was right. She couldn’t do anything right.

She could hear Fili pounding on the door, begging her to come out and talk to him. She curled up in the corner, her head in her hands as she tried to breathe. This couldn’t be happening to her. How had everything come crashing down? How had she lost everything? Fili had left, she couldn’t hear him at the door anymore. She stood on shaky feet and made her way to the window. She opened the window and looked around. She was on the first floor. She could do that.

She grabbed the sill and climbed out of the hospital and made her very unsteady way out. She was dressed in a pair of scrubs and a loose hospital gown and barefoot. But she could still get away from the hospital, get away from Fili, get away from all of it.

Except she couldn’t get rid of the thoughts in her head. She wanted to stop thinking. She wanted to get those thoughts, every single bad thought, out of her mind. She stumbled, cutting her foot on a loose piece of glass and leaning against a phone box. She looked at it, at the phone, and reached out, picking it up. She hesitated, dialing Bilbo’s number collect.

“Hello?” Bilbo asked, sounding confused as he picked up.

“Bilbo?” she asked hesitantly. “It’s Kili.”

“Kili? Where are you calling me from? Fili said you were in the hospital when I called yesterday.”

Kili bit her lip, trying not to cry. “I don’t know. I. Can you come get me?”

“Of course,” Bilbo said, his voice soothing. “Can you tell me what’s around you?”

Kili looked around her, sniffing. “There’s a Walgreens on the corner and a PetSmart next to it.”

There was some hushed conversation Kili couldn’t make out. “Can you go wait in the Walgreens?” Bilbo asked finally. “I’ll be there to pick you up in a few minutes.”

“I don’t have any shoes,” she whispered.

“Oh, sweetie,” Bilbo said. “There should be a bench. I’m leaving right now, okay? We’ll bring you some shoes and get you home.”

“No!” Kili shouted, cringing back against the payphone. “I. I can’t go home.”

“I’ll bring you back here, okay?” Bilbo said. “You can tell me what happened and everything will be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

Kili nodded, biting her lip and rubbing at her itching nose. She could feel a headache starting to build as she fight back the tears. “Okay,” she said.

“Ten minutes,” Bilbo said. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Kili nodded and hung up, making her very careful and bloody way across the street to curl up on the bench outside the pharmacy. She brought her knees up to her chest and sat there, tugging at the hem of the scrubs she was wearing. She tried not to think, not wanting to let her mind get the better of her. That would be bad. It would be very bad to think about Fili and that night in the bar. She vaguely remembered Fili saving her and bringing her to the ER so she knew that she hadn’t been assaulted. Not physically, at least. Emotionally was a whole nother story.

She waited, her head on her knees, an eye out for Bilbo’s beat up little Toyota. But she never saw it. A black SUV truck pulled up instead and Thorin got out. Kili swallowed and buried her face against her knees. No. She couldn’t deal with this. Not now. She didn’t need to hear how fucked up she was or how this whole mess was going to reflect upon the Durin name or any other million things that would come out of her uncle’s mouth.

“Oh, Kili,” Thorin said softly, kneeling down in front of her and taking her cut foot. “What happened?”

“Cut myself,” she mumbled against her knees.

Thorin stood, kissing the top of her head and went into the pharmacy. Kili stayed where she was, not sure what was happening. Thorin reappeared after a couple of minutes with a plastic bag. He knelt in front of her again, gently pulling her injured foot out in front of them and cracked open the bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Kili flinched at the cold liquid and at the pain that came from it cleaning the cut, but she stayed still. Thorin ripped open a pad of gauze, gently patting her foot and the wound dry, before applying a pain numbing ointment to it and wrapping it up to protect it.

“I’m going to take you back home with me, okay?” Thorin asked. “Bilbo’s worried but I wanted to come get you.” He held out his hand to her and Kili looked at it warily before taking it. Thorin smiled and scooped her up, carrying her over to his truck. “You’re too skinny,” he said as he set her down in the seat. “What happened to my pudgy little niece who kept stealing cookies?”

Kili shook her head, putting on her seat belt with shaking hands. Thorin kissed her forehead, closing her door before circling around and getting into the driver’s seat and tossing the first aid tools in the backseat of the truck. She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes, just noticing her hands were bandaged as well. She stared at them, not quite comprehending. 

“Kili, what happened?” Thorin asked as he pulled out onto the road.

Kili shook her head and brought her knees to her chest again, trying to make herself small.

“Fili said you had alcohol poisoning and were drugged,” Thorin said. Kili watched his hands tighten on the wheel. “Are you okay?”

Kili bit her lip, feeling her eyes ache and the pressure and gave in. She let her legs fall and started crying. She wasn’t quiet or pretty when she cried, her voice hitching as she gasped in big gulps of air and sobbed noisily. There were tears and snot and then her uncle’s arms around her. She clung to him, burying her face against his shoulder and holding onto the back of his shirt for dear life. He hushed her, gently petting her hair as she cried. rocking them gently.

Thorin had always been the one she went to when she was little. He would chase away the monsters under her bed and from her closet, stay up with her when she was sick, and help her with her homework when she couldn’t figure it out. He took her hunting when she was ten because Fili couldn’t stomach it and wanted no part in it, but Kili had. He’d taught her how to use a gun and a crossbow, and she’d been good enough to bring down small game and even a deer once.

But that had all been before. And now she had no one. Fili was leaving her, just like Thorin and her mother had, everyone realizing that she wasn’t good enough, that she never would be, and it hurt. She didn’t know how to be alone. Even those months when she was working at the cafe she hadn’t been truly alone, having Frerin to talk to and the promise of Fili. Now she didn’t have Fili and it hurt more than anything else ever could.

“Feeling a little better now?” Thorin asked as he pulled away.

Kili sniffed and nodded, letting go of her uncle as he twisted to reach into the backseat to grab a water bottle and gave it to her. Kili opened it awkwardly and drank it quickly. Thorin smoothed his hand over her hair and turned the car back on before continuing to drive. Kili sipped her water in silence, letting her head rest against the window of the car. She sniffed, every now and then, as tears slid down her cheeks and scrubbed at them with her bandaged hands.

She turned to look at Thorin when he pulled into the driveway of a nice, secluded little house. There were tall bushes and flowers and a vegetable garden not too far from the driveway that took up a good portion of the front yard. 

“Bilbo has a green thumb,” Thorin explained. “He likes growing all sorts of things. I just sort of let him do what he wants.”

“Doormat,” Kili accused softly as Thorin turned off the truck and pulled off his seatbelt. Thorin looked at her, snorted, and got out. He opened her door while she fought with the seatbelt. Once she had gotten free, Thorin picked her up and closed the door behind him.

“I am not a doormat,” he said with a smile. “I just know when to pick my battles.”

Kili relaxed into Thorin’s hold but tensed as she heard the sound of a cab coming up the driveway. She watched at Fili came stumbling out of the cab and ran up to them. Kili wrapped her arms tighter around Thorin’s neck and hid her face.

“God, Kili, you scared the crap out of me,” Fili said, reaching out to touch her. She flinched away from him and saw the look of pain that crossed his face and felt awful. “What happened to her foot?” 

“She cut it,” Thorin said. “Could you get the door, Fili?”

Fili did, opening it and holding it for Thorin as he walked inside with Kili and made his way to the kitchen. Kili could hear the door closed and saw Fili walking forlornly behind Thorin. They made their way into the kitchen where Bilbo was waiting with tea. Thorin gently sat her in a chair, kneeling and taking a look at her other foot and checking her over for more wounds while Fili hovered nervously.

“Here,” Bilbo said, handing Kili a mug of tea. It was red and smelled vaguely of vanilla and orange. She took a sip and wrapped her bandaged hands around the warm porcelain.

“Fili, why don’t you go take a shower?” Thorin suggested. “You look a fright.”

“Uncle,” Fili protested.

“C’mon,” Thorin said, standing and taking Fili by the elbow and leading him out of the room. “Your sister does not need three people watching her.”

Kili watched as Thorin and Fili left and Bilbo sat next to her. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked.

Kili looked down at the tea and took a sip. “What’s to tell?” she asked.

“You’ve never been so reluctant to look at your brother before,” Bilbo said.

Kili sighed and put the tea down on the table. “He was having a date,” she said, trying to smile. “I know, stupid reason. I had a bad day and wanted to get drunk. And I guess it got complicated.”

Bilbo frowned, “I sincerely doubt he was on a date. He loves you. He would never do that to you.”

Kili flinched back, knocking the tea with her elbow, and watched as it crashed to the floor. “What?” she croaked.

Bilbo arched an eyebrow. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

Kili looked down at the broken mug and shook her head. Bilbo had gotten up and started picking up the shards, grabbing paper towels to mop up the liquid. Kili sniffed, her eyes burning, and the tears started to fall again. She had cried more in the past four hours than she had in the past four years. She felt she was entitled after everything that had happened. Bilbo put the shards on the table and hugged her, shushing her.

“It’s going to be okay,” he told her. “It will.”

Kili shook her head as she cried. It wasn’t going to be okay, it never would be again. And now Bilbo knew, and if he knew then Thorin knew. Nothing could be worse. Kili’s tears dried and she sniffed, rubbing at her eyes. Bilbo produced a box of tissues and Kili gave a watery chuckle, taking some and drying her eyes and blowing her nose.

“You know?” she asked.

Bilbo nodded. “We both do. Thorin doesn’t care, he just wants you to be happy.”

“Fili’s leaving me,” Kili said. “How can I be happy now?”

“What are you talking about?” Fili asked from the doorway. “I’m not leaving you.”

Kili bit her lip and shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about this. Especially not with her uncle and Bilbo present for this.

Fili walked over to her, wearing clothes a few sizes too, and knelt in front of her. He took her face in his hands and made her look at him. “Kili, I’m not leaving you.”

“You were on a date,” she said, trying to look away.

Fili stared at her before laughing, letting go and rocking back on his heels. “You thought I was on a date? Kili, the blonde? That was Mindy Jessup. Her company got into trouble and she came begging for help. You might have seen her flirting with me but I wasn’t biting. I was having a lot more fun ripping her company to shreds.”

“No, I saw you,” Kili said. 

“At the bar?” Fili asked. He reached out and took her hands. “Kili, sis, she was trying to distract me. Trying to make me think more with my dick than my brain so I’d go easy on her.”

“You were,” Kili accused, sniffing.

“How can I?” Fili asked, kissing her hands. “I’ve got you. How could I ever want anything more?”

“You can find someone better than me,” Kili said. “I’m not worth you throwing your life away.”

“You are worth everything,” Fili said angrily. “You’re it for me, Kee, and you know it. You’re all I want.”

Kili looked up, startled, but Bilbo and Thorin weren’t in the room. “You can’t mean that,” she said. “You deserve to be able to get married, have babies, go out in public with someone.”

“I don’t want children,” Fili said. “I am married, as far as I’m concerned, and I do go out in public with you. I would take you to the company parties but I’m jealous. You’d get all dressed up and other men would look at you. I’d want to do nothing more than break all their fingers in revenge.” KIli tried to tug her hands away and Fili would not let her. “I love you, Kili. You’re the only one for me.”

“You missed our anniversary,” Kili said.

Fili tried to smile. “I know. I was going to make it up to you. I’ve got two weeks off soon. I was going to take you to Greece, out of the country, where no one knows us and we can act however we want.”

“Was?” Kili asked.

“Do you still want to?” Fili asked.

Kili hesitated. “Why do you want me? I’m a mess, I can’t do anything right.”

“You got me right,” Fili said. “That’s all that matters to me.”

Kili bit her lip and let Fili pull her out of the chair and into his arms on the floor. He kissed her cheek, holding her close, and murmuring sweet things against her hair. Kili held onto him, listening to his heart and trying to relax. Bilbo and Thorin came back into the kitchen, murmuring quietly as they made dinner around them.

“Did the doctors say she could eat?” Bilbo asked Fili.

“I left before they could tell me much but they did say there shouldn’t be any sort of restrictions,” Fili said.

Kili nuzzled in close against him, letting the talk wash over her. She listened to FIli’s heart and breathed when he breathed. A hand landed on her shoulder and she looked up to see Thorin smiling at her. He squatted down next to them, a hand on Kili’s hair.

“I seem to remember you always liking cream of chicken and minute rice when you didn’t feel good,” Thorin said. “Want me to make that for you?”

Kili hesitated and nodded. Fili helped her to her feet and Thorin helped her into a chair. He checked her feet through the gauze and kissed her forehead. Kili was confused, but let the three men fuss over her. Fili and Bilbo she could understand, but Thorin? It didn’t make sense. It made her head hurt.

Fili stroked her hair, kissing her forehead while they waited for food. Fili took one of her hands, unwrapping the bandages. 

“They’re not so bad,” Fili said, looking at her hand. “They were just badly scraped.”

Kili nodded, looking at them. “What happened?”

Fili flushed. “I punched the guy and he let go of you. You, uh, fell. Kind of hard. You might be hurt other places.”

Kili shrugged. “Haven’t noticed.”

“You probably will later,” Fili said with a sigh. He took her other hand and removed the bandages. “We’ll go home after this and we’ll soak in the tub for a bit. You’ll let me take care of you, right?”

Kili nodded, watching as Fili moved away to discard the gauze. She flexed her hands and watched Thorin and Bilbo tease each other as they moved around each other making dinner. There was an ease to them, something sweet. Kili was glad, in a way, that they had each other. Bilbo had softened Thorin, in a good way, maybe enough that things could work out between them all again.

Dinner was a quiet affair, the four of them focused on eating instead of talking. Thorin cleared the plates once they were finished and Bilbo fussed, making hot chocolate from chocolate shavings, and humming as he did so.

“Would you stay for a little?” Thorin asked, looking at Kili. He looked like he was trying to chose his words carefully, unsure of what to say. Fili had his hand on Kili’s thigh and squeezed reassuringly. “I’ve missed you these past eleven years. I can’t make up for what was said or done, but I’d like to start over if we could.”

Kili hesitated. “I don’t...”

Thorin took a deep breath and let it out and took one of Kili’s hands in his. “I was wrong before, Kili. Wrong to do and say what I did. I’m proud of you, of who you are, of the strength you have to be yourself.”

“But,” Kili whispered.

“No buts,” Thorin said. “I was trying to protect you, thinking I needed to. That was stupid of me. You don’t need anyone to protect you, you do that just fine on your own.”

“I’m not good enough,” Kili said. “You said--”

“I’m an idiot,” Thorin interrupted. “You’re perfect just the way you are. I’m honored your my niece, proud of everything you’ve done.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Kili said. “I’m just a mechanic.”

“You can be whatever you want to be,” Thorin said. “I should have been telling you that all along but I never did. That was wrong of me. Can you forgive me?”

Kili nodded slowly. Thorin smiled at her, relief on her uncle’s face.

“Excellent,” Bilbo said. “Now that we’ve gotten that settled, I have fresh baked apple pie and homemade ice cream. Who wants to eat it while we watch some inane tv show?”

“But on Mythbusters,” Fili suggested as he squeezed Kili’s thigh. “Kili loves that show.”


End file.
